


I Won't Let Go

by jeweldancer



Series: Cas and Dean [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comfort, Crying, Destiel - Freeform, Family Drama, John Winchester Being an Asshole, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Protective Cas, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-23 19:05:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4888465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeweldancer/pseuds/jeweldancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After John turns the household upside down, Dean finally talks about his childhood and Cas comforts him. Some angst, some fluff, happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Won't Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> I teared up a little writing this, but in a good way. A big thanks to all the folks who have left such nice comments on this series; it really makes me want to keep going with it! You guys are awesome.

Cas was lying in Dean's bed, their legs tangled together, lazily stoking Dean's hair. After the debacle with John and their subsequent laughing fit, both of them were physically and emotionally exhausted. Cas was thinking about how much he loved Dean's bed. The memory foam, the soft sheets, the smell of Dean surrounding him. Dean was thinking about how right Cas looked in his bed. It had gotten to the point that his bedroom was sad and empty when Cas wasn't there. 

"I'm changing your name," Dean whispered.

"Oh? To what, may I ask?"

"Bad-ass motherfucker Cas."

Cas laughed into the pillow. "I think that's taking it a little far."

"I don't. I've never had anybody take up for me like that, except maybe Sam. And to my Dad, too. Most people are terrified of my dad."

 

"Well. The worst he could've done was punch me in the face."

Dean laughed softly. "See what I mean? You ARE a bad-ass."

"He was doing worse to you. I couldn't let him go on."

Dean went very still all of a sudden. "Cas. You know he's done a lot worse to me than that. Right?"

"I'm well aware of that, Dean. But I wasn't around then."

Dean couldn't speak, but looked up into Cas's eyes. His expression was more vulnerable than Cas had ever seen. 

"I mean it, Dean. That bastard will not hurt you anymore if I can help it."

Dean's voice was shaky. "Cas. He's...he's my dad."

"Does that give him the right to treat you like shit?" Cas placed his hand on Dean's face so that he couldn't look away. "Dean. I don't want to upset you. But why do you continue to let him in your life?"

Dean drew in a long, shuddering breath. "I...The thing is, I can still remember how he was...before. When Mom was alive, and he was happy, and liked to have fun. We used to play catch, and he'd take me to baseball games. And...I'm the only person who still remembers him when he was that way. Except Bobby. Sam never knew him any other way."

Cas propped himself up on an elbow and placed his other hand on Dean's chest. "I understand, Dean. But I want you to realize that while what happened with your mother was horrible, the way your father responded to it was his choice. Absolutely none of this was your fault. In fact, you handled it much better than most people would have."

Dean's eyes looked wet, and he tried to look away from Cas.

"No. No, don't do that, Dean. Listen. The fact that Sam is sitting in there with a nice girl and a college degree? A lot of that is your doing. Do you think he would've been so well-adjusted if he hadn't had a stable, loving person in his life?"

Dean had his face buried in the sheets now.

"And look at yourself. You have a successful business, which is not easy to accomplish. And I know I'm not much to write home about, but I would do anything to make you happy." Cas pulled Dean's trembling body into his arms. "Dean. I respect that you still love your your father, and you want to help him, but it's okay to think of yourself."

Dean was crying quietly. "I tried so hard, Cas. I tried so hard. And I had to hide everything from Sam, 'cause I didn't want him to grow up warped. Like me."

"Shh. I think Sam realizes how much you've done for him. And you're not warped. You're a good, kind man, and the fact that you became that despite what you've been through says what kind of person you are." Cas rubbed Dean's back gently. "And you know what else it says? That you are NOT your father."

Dean lost it. He held on to Cas and sobbed into his shirt. Cas held him tightly and rocked him. "Shhh. Shhh. I've got you. I won't let go of you."

Cas didn't let go until Dean was cried out and quiet again. Then he eased himself up to a sitting position. "I'm gonna leave for a minute, but I'll be right back, I promise." Cas left the room and returned with a bottle of water and a cool, damp washcloth. He made Dean drink some of the water, and then held the cool cloth to his swollen eyes. Cas curled up around Dean and occupied himself by kissing Dean's hair. Neither of them spoke for a while, both of them content just to be near the other. 

Dean finally cleared his throat and whispered, "Cas?" His voice was even lower than usual due to the crying.

"Yes, babe?"

"I don't think I can do without you. I want you to stay with me forever."

Cas's heart suddenly started beating double time. "Dean. What do you mean?"

"I mean that I want to live with you." Dean reached for his hand. "I know that it can't happen right away and all, because you have your apartment and your studio and this will all take a while to figure out. But, you know, for the future. I really think Sam and Jess will get engaged soon, and I know they'll want a place of their own, and I just thought how nice it would be if we had a place too, somewhere near them so we can all be close together. I...I just can't think of anything better than waking up with you every morning."

"Dean." Cas was afraid that he was going to start crying next. Damn, this whole evening had been a whirlwind of emotion from start to finish. "Being near you more would be heaven." 

"Okay. We don't have to figure it out right now. It's been a long night and all."

"Mmm. All that matters is we're together."

They were both fast asleep, curled up together, within five minutes.


End file.
